Helping Toddlers Adjust to Staying Home

Katy Caldwell, PhD, LSSP

Brain Detective at Kids BRAIN

While spending more time at home with our children can be a time for bonding and feeling more connected, it is also a time in which we may notice some challenging behaviors that we did not see before. Even though young children are unable to fully understand the implications of COVID-19, they are certainly impacted by the differences in their daily routine. In response to these unexpected changes, toddlers may begin to display behaviors such as regression in certain skills, defiance, and tantrums. This is particularly stressful given that parents are required to wear more “hats” than ever before including working from home, homeschooling/navigating virtual learning for school-age children, and caring for children full time. When you add in sleepless nights, tantrums, and housework, it can feel like there are simply not enough hours in the day. Here are some strategies to help:

  1. Make a daily schedule. There are a number of different ways to do this and you can be as detailed or concise as you wish. Some parents may find it helpful to schedule in smaller blocks of time and utilize alarms for reminders of when to do things, while others may prefer a general outline with room for flexibility. The goal is to make the schedule clear and predictable so that young children know what to anticipate each day and are able to transition well between activity to activity. Activities that may act as “anchors” for the day (meaning they should occur at the same time each day) include waking up, meal/snack times, nap time, and bed time. If your toddler was previously in school/daycare, you may want to use that schedule as the framework for your home schedule. Make sure your schedule is feasible for your family, keeping in mind all of the things you have to juggle each day.
  • Create routines (or keep previous routines intact). A great way to limit power struggles with your toddler is to have routines in place. For example, bedtime routine may include a warning that bedtime is approaching soon, bath time, brushing teeth (in my house we sing the ABC’s while brushing to make the process more enjoyable), story time, then tucked in and lights out. While it may be difficult at first, having the same routine each day will eliminate meltdowns and increase compliance. Helpful tip – include visual charts (with pictures of the steps), songs, and timers if needed.
  • Get outside. It is important for the whole family to spend time outside each day going on a walk, playing a game together, or having an outdoor picnic. It is perfectly safe to spend time outside as long as you continue to practice social distancing. Spending time outside is a quick way to improve your toddler’s mood and release some pent-up energy. It is also a great time for exploratory play and practicing mindfulness. You can create a nature scavenger hunt or spend some time talking about animals that you see or smells that you notice.
  • Don’t be a short order cook. It can be tempting (especially with our picky eaters) to ask toddlers or even older kids what they would like to eat for each meal in order to avoid meltdowns. However, this can be a recipe for disaster and actually lead to more eating difficulties. Instead, let your child know what they will be having and leave it up to them to choose whether or not they eat it (I know this is DIFFICULT, especially when it is more challenging to get certain food items right now and wasting food is not an option). When my son started daycare, he became accustomed to eating what was offered at each meal, otherwise the natural consequence was that he had to wait until the next scheduled meal. Since following this same practice at home, we have had less battles associated with meals. While now is maybe not the best time to try and convince your child to love broccoli, you can certainly create a nutritious menu that includes foods they already enjoy!
  • Allow time in the day for good ol’ fashioned free play. During periods of uncertainty, we can be tempted to over-schedule in order to gain control of our situation. However, it is important for toddlers to have time for self-directed play where they can choose their activity, be creative, and have alone time in a house full of people.
  • Have virtual story time with family members. Now is a great time to have grandparents or other family members read a book to your toddler over Skype or FaceTime. It will also give you a few minutes to yourself. Your child can follow along in his or her own book (if possible). My two-year-old absolutely loves having his family members read his favorite books. Having a structured video call that includes an enjoyable activity can help toddlers feel connected to family members who they are unable to visit at the moment.
  • Expect some adjustment difficulties. Just like most adults, children are struggling right now to find a new normal and they may be experiencing “big” emotions. This can lead to more challenging behaviors than you may typically see. Some children may have more difficulty adjusting to these changes than others. Please know that the providers at KidsBRAIN are here to help you! We are offering virtual counseling and parent training and will tailor recommendations and interventions that are specific to your child’s needs.
  • Be kind to yourself. This is a very difficult time and most parents are doing the best they can. It is important for parents to take care of themselves and manage their own feelings during this time. Some days will be more difficult than others. Some days the schedule will crash and burn. Some days you will let your child consume hours of screen time so that you can finish a conference call or proposal. That is perfectly ok. Be kind to yourself and take everything one day (sometimes one hour) at a time. We are all in this together!

Additional resources:

https://childmind.org/article/how-can-we-help-kids-with-transitions/ – for help with establishing routines

https://kidseatincolor.com – great blog and resource guides from a dietician for picky eaters

https://www.drdansiegel.com/books/the_whole_brain_child/ – this is a wonderful book that incorporates parenting and how a child’s brain works with practical, effective strategies

https://busytoddler.com/2020/03/daily-schedule-covid-19/ – sample daily schedule with ideas for activities

https://childmind.org/article/how-discipline-toddlers/ – additional recommendations on disciplining toddlers

https://www.storylineonline.net – watch actors read children’s books

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