Worry Doll and Other Magic for Anxious Kids

We are in a strange place for child mental health services. Most psychologists and counselors at this point have transitioned to offering services through a video format. But is it the same? Working with children is hard in the first place; they don’t have much of an attention span and you often have to work quite hard to keep them engaged. This is true in testing, counseling, and skill set training. At Kids BRAIN, we are following suit to continue to support our patients and their families with distance options that allow us to keep them and ourselves safe from illness. That said, it’s hard to connect through a computer or phone. There is a preponderance of research that is beginning to reveal how very disconnected children and teens can feel, even when they are immersed in every Tweet and post that scrolls through their social media feed. So, if all those mental health professionals are out there trying to help with therapy through a machine, is it possible to build rapport needed to bring about true change? Likely, but it doesn’t make it easier. One of the reasons that I started Kids BRAIN 13 years ago was to shift some of the focus for child services away from the “system” and the “doctor” and toward the superheroes in every house; parents. I wanted to build an organization that would allow parents to feel powerful in the ability to advocate for their child and to support them directly, not just serve as the taxi service to get them to therapy. After all, you only see a therapist during your counseling session. What about the positive change that can happen in all the other hours of the week? Today’s post is a set of recommendations for supporting generally anxious children, as well as several techniques that can be used to reduce and discuss levels of anxiety when they are high. High levels of anxiety are pretty close to home for many of us and our children right now.

Tips for Dealing with Your Anxious Child

*Accept your child’s worries. Don’t downgrade, push away, or try to negate them with a simple “It will be fine.”

*Listen to your child’s concerns and point of view. Don’t tell them its silly to worry, but do correct any false information that they may have latched on to.

*Encourage your child to approach a feared situation one step at a time until they can become more familiar. This will help them manage anxiety, no just run away from it.

*Continually set expectations for your children, whether they are anxious or not. If you adjust your behavior by expecting a child to be anxious, you will be right every time.

*Role-play how to react in certain situations. Discuss the best case and worst case scenario and gather evidence to determine which is more realistic.

*Build your child’s personal strengths.

*Help your child organize their materials and agenda the day before.

*Allow and encourage them to do things on their own. Failure is expected and is a requirement for both learning and growth. If you keep them in a bubble, they will assume that the bubble is required for them.

*Try not to pass your fears on to your child. Anxiety is a genetic predisposition and anxious parents often have anxious children. If your worry is high and impacting, seek help for yourself.

*Set consequences. Don’t let inappropriate behavior slide because your child is fearful. This will allow anxiety to enable your child. Dealing with anxiety is needed, not making excuses for it to flourish.

Techniques to Deal With Worry

The Amazing Worry Doll (thank you for these Julia Cook, author of some of my favorite kid self-help books and parent guides).

Select a small plastic doll or stuffed animal. Explain to your child that the Worry Doll can hold your worries when they are loud and bother you. You can tell them anything! If you hold your Worry Doll in your hand and talk to it, you have then given that worry to your doll. They will hold it for you until you need it back. The Worry Doll can worry for you while you are busy with other things. You should tell your Worry Doll the things that are on your mind when you are trying to settle to sleep. Then, just put your doll under your arm or pillow and let them hold those worries while you rest. The Worry Doll will work anywhere. Just pull your doll out of your pocket or bag and share your concerns with her. If you ever need your worries back, just hold your doll in your hand, close your eyes, and let your worries come back to you. Your Worry Doll can hold your worries as long as you need.

The Root Beer Worry Float

Use the making of a sweet root beer float into a discussion on anxiety. Compare your worries to a root beer float. Explain to your child that worrying is like a root beer float. The ice cream is like all the things we have going on in our lives. Help your child understand that a little worry is a good thing, because it helps us stay focused and to work hard. But, too much worry is a bad thing. Just like the root beer (worry) in the float, if you pour in just enough, you have a wonderful mix of flavors. If you add too much root beer worry, the whole thing bubbles over and makes a mess (make this happen to illustrate). Explain that when there is too much worry we over-react to things and can make things worse. Clean up your worry mess and then allow your child to add the “just right” amount of root beer worry to their delicious float.

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