
School offers the “meat” of a child’s daily structure. It forces parents out of bed to make sure lunches are made, backpacks are packed, and kids make the bus or carpool on time. Now that most adults are working from home some if not all of the time, this set of steps may no longer be needed. School is likely now conducted at home and starts a little later probably. The obligation to dress, dry, curl, makeup, and shave before work for the day may be less or eliminated for parents. When the normal internal structure of the day falls apart, it can feel like vacation mode. That means staying up later, sleeping later, and less press to be prepared for the day. For kids that struggle with ADHD, autism, and/or learning differences, this internal structure may be the most important part of their day. When you have a routine it makes it easier to anticipate what types of behaviors are needed from you. This makes it less cognitively demanding for children with brains that work a little differently. They do not have to work so much to determine what the world needs from them. When little changes to their diet, sleep, and to-do list are present, this may be all that is needed to set them off behaviorally and emotionally. One of the largest factors to this mix is sleep. Sleep is when your brain recovers from its day, transitions learning from the day into a longer-term location for access later, and is the period when healing and growth are present at the highest levels. Kids with ADHD are 3 times more likely to struggle with sleep anyway, making them very susceptible to sleep disruption even with minor changes. Now is not the time to have people with compromised immune systems because they have gotten too little restorative sleep, making them more susceptible to infection. So, the purpose of this post is to offer parents guidance on the importance of sleep and ways to help their child get the sleep they need, especially if it feels like an extended Spring Break at your house.
Sleeping pills are not usually the answer: sleep aids that work well for adults are not usually tested for safety with children. Even when they are marketed as “natural” supports for sleep, they can disrupt the brain’s natural ability to create chemicals that regulate sleep-wake cycles. Don’t use antihistamines or herbal supplements without first discussing with your doctor. Many sleep issues can and should be addressed behaviorally.
Establish a routine and stick with it: create a consistent, calm, and enjoyable bedtime routine. Avoid conflicts before bed if you can, as this increases arousal and makes settling to sleep difficult. Have a set start time for getting ready for bed and allow enough wiggle room for all of the elements of your evening routine (shower/bath, brushing teeth, putting on PJs, reading, listening to music, talking) to happen without having to yell like a drill sergeant. This means adults who keep track of time well, so set a reminder and stick with it when you make family plans. Staying up until all hours on Friday and Saturday makes Monday horrible for adults and kids. Don’t push bedtime more than 45 minutes and don’t let kids sleep until noon. Keep it CONSISTENT.
Limit activities that signal alertness: there are certain activities that turn our brains on. High intensity physical activity, lots of bright lights, roughhousing with your sister, playing video games or fast paced apps, and dance parties should be saved for the morning when you need to get moving. In the evening, low light, soft music, slowly paced games, baths, back rubs, and reading are good options. Set tablet and phone parental controls to shut off content at least 60 minutes before bed. You can also go into your Wifi settings and manually block access at specific times as well. This should be advice you follow for yourself as well, so model good choices and make bedtime something to look forward to. Prying that iPad out of their grasp right before you shut off the light is NOT soothing.
Meditation and breathing: a focus on the rhythms of the body through meditation and breathing are very helpful when winding down for the day. I have posted about Headspace before, but they offer a range of muscle relaxation, breathing, and meditation options that would be great for the whole family. They also have a whole set of offerings for sleep, including sleep radio stations and guided meditation sessions in order to prepare for sleep that are wonderful.
Warm it up then cool it down: your body undergoes a natural decline in temperature as it nears the time when sleep is needed. This means that you can trigger this response with a warm bath 30 to 60 minutes before bed. Your body’s response to bring your temperature down mimics its down-cycle for sleep. This also means that you need to be mindful of heating up too close to bedtime. This is why high intensity physical activities, rough play, and a hot house are not good for fast sleep onset. Warm is OK 60 minutes out, but the progression toward calm and cool is needed for the brain’s natural rhythms to switch to rest and recovery mode.
Reduce food before bed: bedtime snacking is bad for sleep. All of that food in your gut requires digestion, which awakens the system. Try not to eat within 2 hours of bed if you can. If your child needs a snack, limit it to foods that are helpful for sleep like warm milk, saltines, apples, and turkey, all of which include tryptophan to help sleep.
Make it as dark as your child can tolerate: absolute dark is ideal to signal your brain to shut down for the night. If your child needs a little light, consider a nightlight across the room. Aim for an alarm clock that only lights up when you touch it. If you are propping the bathroom or closet door open, don’t direct the light source at your child’s face. Consider a sleep mask if they will wear one. For seasonal sleep issues, a set of blackout curtains can help make it dark when rest is needed.
Beds are for sleeping: basic sleep hygiene recommendations always suggest that you teach yourself to associate your bed with sleep, and old sleep. If you eat, work, and binge watch shows in bed, your brain gets confused. For children, this means having toys and other distractions in a closed closet or ideally, in a separate play area. Have your child Zoom and work on school work at a desk or table, not bed. Reading before bed is fine, but daytime reading should be elsewhere.
See a doctor if all else fails: sleep disorders are common in children with ADHD. If you have tried behavioral supports and your child still does not seem well rested, it may be time to talk with your doctor or to see a sleep specialist. A sleep study may reveal issues that can be addressed medically to help your child get a full and restorative night of sleep.