
by: Dr. Katy Caldwell
Last blog, we started off with some parent basics on how mistakes can be used as a power for good. This time, we are covering how to translate this message to our kids. Let’s start with how we can model this for our children. This is a large topic to cover, so there will be more on this in the future. First, it is important to normalize mistakes and teach kids that some mistakes are completely unavoidable. Also, we should all expect to make mistakes sometimes. While we have some control over our behavior, the mindset that we will never fall, fail, or say the wrong thing is problematic. It is important to begin teaching this at a very early age. We ALL make mistakes…often! Parents, if you are not doing this already, start pointing out the mistakes you make on a daily basis. Let your kids see that your mistakes do not have the power to make you feel ashamed, and they are also not something to dwell on. This can be small things like burning the toast at breakfast to even bigger things like apologizing to your kids after you lose your temper with them. The reason children have trouble accepting or even admitting their mistakes is the same reason adults do. It is uncomfortable and we would all prefer to avoid feeling uncomfortable. When parents model this behavior and even pair it with humor, children learn to do the same. It is important to note that while many mistakes are things we can laugh at, some require a little more care and attention, particularly those that involve a situation where we have hurt someone else with our words or actions. These types of mistakes require us to name them (e.g., I am sorry I …) and then ask for forgiveness. Let your children see that you feel comfortable acknowledging your mistakes and then are able to either laugh at your “past self” or acknowledge that you did something wrong and will try for a different outcome the next time. For kids who struggle with perfectionism, this may even look like encouraging your child to intentionally make a mistake and then practice how to acknowledge it, find humor in it, learn from it, and then move past it. Repeating anxiety-provoking behaviors (in this case, making mistakes) can lead to a reduction in the level of anxiety experienced when these situations occur in the future.
To sum it up, often the work starts with us, the parent. I can teach my children how to be gentle with themselves by first being kind to myself. I can practice reframing my mistakes and learning not to take myself too seriously. I can laugh at my “past self” and find amusement in what she must have been thinking when she made that mistake. I can admit when I did something wrong. Instead of letting my mistakes define me, I can look at them as proof that I am learning and growing. Until next time!
For books on mistakes for children:






