
Okay, Kids BRAIN people, down to the final part of this chat about parental burnout and how to help make things better. Last blog, I shared three initial steps that can be taken to reduce parental burnout, including talking, reframing/gaining perspective, and making little changes. This time, we will be adding three more.
Growth Mindset: when you are down, tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed with big emotions, this is not the time to reach into your parenting “toolbox” and to find nothing to pull out. Parents should consider adding tools to their parenting toolbox, especially when it feels empty. Part of the cycle of parental burnout is feeling disconnected from a prior, better feeling version of you as a parent. Taking the proactive steps needed to build a new set of tools can give parents a feeling of effectiveness and purpose that was lost in their “overwhelm.” I have included links below to some excellent parent tools. Some resources were created by me, but most are from other brilliant mental health providers and parenting guides. There is no perfect parenting, so notice that I am not calling them parent experts. That’s silly; we are all people working without a manual when we are parenting.
Self-Care (for real): It would be easy to say, “just take a break!” However, in my professional life, I often work with complex, challenging, high-care kids. Their parents don’t always have the ability to step away for a break. This would require paying for high-quality alternate forms of caregiver services that are not always available. So, let’s go with something a little easier and universally more likely to apply. Take microbreaks. If you can’t hop a plane to a beautiful beach or mountain and leave your kids behind for a long weekend, maybe step into the bathroom and lock the door for 5 minutes for a quiet moment of breathing. When you head out to the grocery store, plug in a favorite podcast, audiobook, or favorite music and sit quietly with your own few moments of downtime before you step into the store or back into your house. Access guided options for mediation (think Calm App, Headspace, or similar). When you put the kids to bed, hit pause on the forever to-do list that most parents start on from there and take a 10-minute bubble bath, sit quietly and look at the stars, or take a few moments for a nightly yoga session. Stop, think, and find the moments of success that you can congratulate yourself on. Sometimes success isn’t large; often, it is simply doing a little better today than yesterday. Give yourself credit for the small things as you reflect. They really add up. I recently had a conversation with my husband where I shared my success in NOT yelling at my son for a truly boneheaded mistake. Big pat on my back and self high-five.
Do a Little Meaning Search: Sometimes when we are bogged down with the drudgery of every day and often unfun tasks that comprise parenting, we miss things. This can mean missing good things that happened (your child smiled at you and meant it, they listened the first time, they started their homework without you reminding them, they put their own dishes in the dishwasher), or it can mean missing CHANCES to create positive interactions. Beyond the above refocus on the small positives that happened today, take a moment to plan a short but positive thing that you can insert for tomorrow. This may mean a trip to the park, a family movie night, family game session (board games please!), or quick bike ride. Get out, do something fun, and let it be a moment that is shared and can be the focus of your positive recollections when you end yet another day of parenting. Now during your bubble bath, you can reflect on your child giggling while you pushed them on the swings, not whining when you told them to stop playing a video game. Engaging with the parts of your children and family that you value can help bring back to the forefront the part that makes all of this work worth it.
Being frustrated with parenting doesn’t make you a bad parent. It’s normal, natural, and expected. Parenting is hard work and it is often not validating. You may often feel like you give more than you receive. You may find yourself “planting seeds” but not receiving the positives of being able to see your hard work come to fruition. In short, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. Settle into a pace that you can tolerate, step away to take a different view when you can, create times to share with your family the way that you love, and be kind to yourself. Take some time to relax, refresh yourself, and to build new skills. Simplify your life when you feel overwhelmed, delegate what can be given to someone else, and take little “mental margarita” moments along the way to keep your batteries from running all the way down.
On-demand webinar I created: https://kidsbrainllc.teachable.com/p/parenting-tricky-kids
Awesome books


