It goes without saying that spending time in play with your children is essential in so many ways. This is a learning process for your child, but not necessarily in the way that you would expect. Although children develop stronger language, problem-solving, motor, and social skills in play, these are not actually the areas of impact that I am concerned with discussing today. The most important aspect of parent and child play is the ability to learn ABOUT YOU. There really is a right way to play with kids if the overall goal is to help build a connection between you and your child that will last a lifetime. Play with your child should have several essential elements.
Play with your child should be child-directed.
Your child spends most of their time being guided, directed, instructed, and redirected by adults. When you are carving out time to play with your child, this is the time when THEY should be the boss. So many parents consider play to be a lesson where they can help kids improve specific skills. Although teaching and instructing your children is also essential, it is not necessary for this to happen in play. The process of play should not be restrained in this way. Your job during a play session with a child of any age is to let them take the lead.
Follow along and observe. Instead of correcting, “That’s a great cat drawing, but he needs a tail,” use input that labels and observes, “You made an orange cat! I love that!” Reflect on what your child is sharing with you, using good eye contact, facial expressions of emotion, and without distraction (this should be technology-free time). Share with your child that you are enjoying your time together. This is where they are learning about you. Your play session has shown them that you are connected to them and their interests, that you are flexible enough to relinquish control and let them be the boss, that there are no restrictions or rules for them during play, and that you are willing and even excited about putting your various adult tasks off to the side and saving space just for them.
Use play as a chance to join together with your child, to show them that they matter enough for you to focus just only on them, and that you are allowing and even enjoying going along with their themes and their version of play without having to fight for control.
Play sessions like this can not only increase your connection with your child but can also help with power struggles that you may have with your child when it is time for you to be the boss again. If you are able to share control or even give up control at regular junctions during the day, you are far less likely to have a constant fight when it is necessary that you be in charge and expect your child to follow directions for other things.
