How to Increase Household Peace

If your family is anything like mine, we are all here at the house. All the time. All in the same space. With few breaks for yourself, there may be an increase in bickering. Today’s suggestion for building opportunities for peace in your household includes playing the Complaint-Box Game. This is something I learned from The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook for Kids by Dr. Lawrence Shapiro and counselor Robin Sprague. The purpose of this activity is to limit conflict by providing a way to complain, to have your issues voiced without a fight, and to receive help in conflict and issue resolution. This works best with children who are 5 or older.

  1. Get a box (you can let the kids decorate as they wish if you want to insert a craft project here) and cut a whole in the lid large enough to slip a folder piece of paper in it.
  2. When conflict arises or someone feels that there is an issue with another member of the family, have them write their problem down on a piece of paper and put it in the box. Younger children will likely need someone to serve as their scribe and write their complaint for them. Once the complaint is in the box it gets “squashed” and no more discussion is allowed.
  3. The ultimate goal would be to open and discuss the issues in the box once per week. You may want to make it Monday and Friday or some other shorter interval at first.
  4. Problems often resolve themselves before you get to the part where issues are discussed as a “team meeting” or “family huddle” as one of my favorite families uses. If the person that wrote the complaint no longer believes it is an issue, it is thrown out as “fixed.” If a problem is still an issue, give the person who wrote the complaint 2 minutes to talk about it WITHOUT INTERRUPTIONS. Use a timer and enforce the open ability to listen without butting in, making faces, or huffing in disgust (this is what my kids do so…..)
  5. Ask all family members, including the person making the complaint, to write down 2 or more ways to resolve the compliant. Read all of the options out loud.
  6. The person making the complaint then decides which solution is the most positive. The person who came up with that response gets a point.
  7. Continue in this way addressing and problem-solving ways to address complaints until it is empty or you have maxed out at 20 minutes. If you still have more, pause this exercise and pick it up the following day.
  8. The person with the most points becomes the peacemaker for the week (you may decide to include a cool hat/crown/necklace/medal) and may get a small prize or extra privilege for being so smart.

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