
Now that parents across the country are transitioning to a work from home and school from home model, the panic may be setting in. Most schools are transitioning to a distance learning model, which should provide the content and structure for a lot of the actual instruction portion. But, all of the work still needs to get done. For those of you who were already in an epic battle with your child over homework, this may seem like an insurmountable obstacle. Please know that schools should be offering a fairly wide grace allowance for home learners. Teachers, students, and parents alike are learning to be flexible and to deal as effectively as possible with a set of unanticipated and ever changing set of circumstances. A majority of parents were not trained to be teachers and those who were may find struggles when working with their own children that do not happen when providing instruction to their actual classroom students. This will be a process that takes an openness to our own flaws as parent-teachers, the ability to give ourselves a little grace as we hone our skills, and a lot of reflection on the big picture. We need kids to learn and make progress and it now falls to us to carry more of that burden. Below, please see some insights and ideas that may be helpful for parents. My practice at Kids BRAIN is for children who learn differently, so not usually the highly motivated, effortlessly achieving, “easy” student that will sit down and tackle a mountain of work and smile in personal satisfaction at the end. I know those kids exist, but I don’t parent them or have many patients that fall in this category. So, let’s assume the worst case scenario that your child goes kicking and screaming into this process. You can always work at a less intense level if you determine less is needed. Stay healthy out there!
1) Create an organized space: Collect all the materials that your child will need for school activities. The more times you have to stop or search for materials, the more likely you are to “lose” your child and have to bring them back to task. Have pencils, pens, markers, colored pencils, crayons, lines paper, graph paper, ruler, highlighter, tablet or computer, glue stick, books, etc. in a “work” space designed for this process.
2) Make a plan and stick with it: Establish a schedule for the academic portions of the day and discuss this with your child several times before using the plan. This should include a school start time, expectation for work sessions with breaks mixed in, time for snacks, time for lunch, and a variation in activities that switches relatively quickly between subjects and task demands. This may mean working for 15 to 20 minutes and then having a timed “brain break” that is more “fun,” such as a 2 minute YouTube video, quick run around the house, dancing to a favorite song, or just a head down time. These should be brief (2 to 3 minutes max) and should be based on successful work on school activities. If they didn’t work, they don’t earn the break. Consider making this a “mystery break” by coming up with options together, writing them on little slips of paper, and drawing one out of a bowl when it is time to cash it in.
3) Don’t nag: Many parents believe that compliance should be immediate. It usually isn’t as fast as we would like. Give a simple statement of need (“I need you to grab your math book for this part.”), make consistent and calm eye contact for 3-5 seconds and wait for the child to start. Don’t jump in and push, don’t repeat yourself, don’t add on a criticism, just wait. Once they start, say a simple “good” or “awesome” or “nice work” and let them go. This is assuming that the child is working on something within their skill set. Giving work to a child that they cannot complete on their own is likely to shut them down and keep them from starting. Read below for ways to support.
4) Offer structure when you can: Provide a checklist, to do list, or visual illustration of what they are to do (example, math problem worked out). Use graphic organizers provided by teachers or found on the internet (steps for double digit multiplication, visual guide to creating an essay, steps for solving a math word problem).
5) Monitor regularly: You may want to establish a space where you are working at the same table as your children if you work silently on your computer as part of your job. This is a great way to model “work” and to be close enough to monitor. Mark your child’s work with a “stop sign” that cues them to check in (“Work until you get to the star right here and then let me know it’s time for a check”). Give occasional reminders to remain on task (“I like how focused you are”). PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE the efforts you see with simple, specific observations of what is working for the child,
6) Chunk work into pieces: Most of my patients struggle with the “woah!” effect. This means seeing a long page of work or a packet or a huge book and immediately backing up because it seems hard. Break things down into pieces; this is called chunking. Offer work on single pages, not in packets. Fold papers in half and ask them to work down to the fold and then stop for a check. Tear the page into parts and work in smaller sessions by alternating to other things before completing the next portion. Make it seem faster, shorter, and easier as much as possible.
7) Buddy system: Work in tandem. This is particularly important for children who struggle with a specific academic area (or all of them). Work with a trading component. Model how to do the task while verbalizing your steps to get the item done successfully. Then trade to the child’s turn and praise. Trade back to your turn and verbalize the steps while you work. Trade to the child’s turn, praise, and then hold off. See if they move on to the next item or problem on their own. If they don’t, no big deal, take your turn and proceed. If they do, take your turn when they figure out they didn’t switch with you. The goal is to increase the amount of student work while tapering off the amount of adult work. Over time you can work the first problem or item as an example and have the child complete the rest.
8) PREMACK: This is a procedure where things that are not fun are paired with things that the person likes. We do this all the time as adults. If I eat my salad, I can have dessert. If I finish my work, I don’t have to take any with me to Hawaii. If the floor gets mopped, I can take a few minutes to [insert fun thing]. As adults, we are pretty good at building in rewards for things we feel we suffer through. We don’t always do this for our children. Come up with a list of short activities or actions that your child enjoys. Sprinkle these into the academic portion of the day to use as a “carrot” to move forward when stopping seems likely. For instance, “Nice! 10 more problems and we can have a snack,” or “Once that last sentence is done, we can watch 2 minutes of that Minecraft video (set a timer people!).”
9) Modify output: Consider what the goal of the assignment is. Try to determine what supports can be offered without changing that goal. Can you write as a scribe and still have the assignment show their knowledge? Could they make a voice recording, their own commercial, or make up a song instead? Can you use voice to text options? Can you use text to voice options? Can you read the book aloud and still have your child use their own comprehension skills to answer the question?
10) CHOICES: Offer as many choices as you can, even if they are silly and don’t mean anything to you. “Would you like to use markers, crayons, or colored pencils for this task?” Who cares what they choose so long as the assignment is completed! Let kids sequence activities themselves when they can. “Which of these three activities do you want to do first?” As long as it’s done, it doesn’t matter what the order is right?
11) Build momentum: Consider presenting activities that you know your child does well at or has mastered already. Work toward the harder parts later on. This can build behavioral momentum (forward movement that builds) and make completing harder activities easier.