Many of you have had to make difficult decisions regarding school attendance lately. Do I send my child to school? Will they get sick or spread illness to my family? Will my job even allow me to consider virtual schooling? What if my kids fall behind? Do I have the skills to help them learn at home? How long will it last if I choose in person school? AHH!!! So many questions to grapple with and so little true certainty. For parents raising children with ADHD and/or other learning differences, this can be particularly challenging. These kids need more monitoring, more support, and more patience, which we as parents may not be able to provide while also caring for other children, working from home or outside of home, or trying to get through the day. Below, we at Kids BRAIN would like to offer some general guidance on helping kids and parents in a home-learning format. Don’t forget that we also provide direct parent training on these topics that is more in depth and personalized (www.kidsbrainllc.com). Finally, we offer a parent training webinar for organizing your child with executive function deficits when they are handling school responsibilities (https://kidsbrainllc.teachable.com/p/organizing-your-child).
Ok, so the helping you not lose your mind or let your child fail or make your child hate you plan (hopefully)…..
Let’s start with scheduling
Learning in Chunks
Break your school/home day into chunks that include periods for learning, chores, activities, your own work-from-home responsibilities, and personal breaks from each other. Instead of using punishments or threats to force your kids to cooperate, focus on using earned privileges (free time, choice of treat after lunch, 30 minutes to shoot hoops) after completion of required stuff, because incentives work best for all kids, but particularly for kids that learn differently.
Tackle Big Goals and Try Not to Sweat the Small Stuff
Before you start a virtual learning format, think about what you want for each day and what will help you stay as calm as possible. If you are stressed, irritated, and out of sorts, then your kids will be too (and will likely be better at it!). Consider what they have to get done for school and chores, what assists them in working on those tasks and how many breaks they’ll need.
Build Structure and Stick to It!
With less requirement to get up and moving (because your commute is shorter), many will be tempted to be flexible with sleep and wake times, like you do in summer. Don’t do it! Get up like you would for school. This will allow you and your child to get rolling better and more consistently. Same for bedtime. Sleep is essential for thinking and learning, so consistent and effective sleep should be a major focus. Decide how much ‘fun’ screen time they can have each day as a given and what they can earn through cooperation with your schedule and to do list. It’s reasonable to allow your child more time than your usual screen time limits right now, especially if it means they can interact with their friends online. But, they also need to get out, smell fresh air, run, climb, and disconnect just as much. Make sure to explain to your kids that this is an exception not the new normal. Set limits for yourself as well to model what moderation of screen time actually looks like.
Collaborate, Communicate, and Solidify
Make a time to talk with your kids about their ideas for organizing their days. Work together to co-create a structure that makes sense for everyone. When kids, especially those with ADHD and learning differences, are included in the process of figuring things out, they are far more likely to cooperate. Now lay out a sample weekly schedule. Each day should have designated blocks of time geared toward school and learning, household chores, and various fun activities. For those of you who are working with a school on a virtual level, they will likely have sessions of live instruction that will need to be considered. Once you’ve got a draft, post it around the house and plan to meet again in 4 school days to check in and make necessary adjustments. Below, see a sample schedule created by the team at Additude Magazine.
8:00 a.m. Wake up, eat, get dressed
8:45 a.m. Physical Activity (make it fun and make it heavy enough to work up a sweat)
9:00 a.m. Reading
9:30 a.m. Writing
10 a.m. Movement break
11:15 a.m. Creative Time
12:00 p.m. Lunch then Free Time
1:00 p.m. Math
2:00 p.m. Science
3 p.m. Movement break
3:30 p.m. Misc. Academics/Enrichment
4:30 p.m. Chores
5:00 p.m. Screen-Free Fun Time
5:30 p.m. Dinner
6:30 p.m. TV/Screen Time/Play Outside
7:30 p.m. Family time
8:30 p.m. Get ready for bed
9:00 p.m. Bedtime
Define Incentives and Put Them in Writing
You’ll need to make two lists of incentives: one with smaller ‘like-to-do’ items such as playing with the dog, hearing a story, practicing yoga or movement, or getting a snack and another list of bigger incentives such as extra screen time (surfing the net, gaming or social media); doing a favorite activity with you such as cooking or art projects; playing catch or making music; or even watching a TV show or movie. You’ll need to apply these incentives to the ‘have-to-do’ list that includes tasks like studying, doing chores, and helping out with siblings or household work. Pair things they don’t like most with bigger incentives. In addition, because pros work less well when there are no cons, consider adding a “downfall” consequence for not getting things done. For instance, when your child finishes all daily assignments and you have checked them off, they can watch a TV show for 30 minutes. If this is not done by 3 pm, they will need to complete an extra chore from the chore list after they are done. I highly recommend a written contract that you both build and agree on. Work with a local psychologist or counselor to offer mediation between you and your child if you need help. We do this at Kids BRAIN all the time!
Daily Schedule for School and Learning Time
- Plan to scaffold: Set up work periods using incentives that matter to your child or teen,timed breaks with appropriate activities, and earned rewards when the period is over or the task is completed. Plan to work alongside your child; You’ll do some of your stuff while they are doing theirs. Consider using a group workspace like the kitchen table or a space set up where you are present but can work on your computer while they work on theirs. This sends a message that everyone is taking this plan seriously and it’s time to settle down.
- Block out realistic work periods: Ask your child how long they think they can concentrate before needing a break. Depending on their level of interest and the challenge of the work, this period can last 5 to 20 minus for elementary school kids. For middle and high school students, it varies between 15 and 45 minutes. Together, decide on the length of their study periods and how many they will need per hour and per day. This can be adjusted up or down as needed.
- Set benchmarks: Choose incentives for reaching benchmarks, expecting that after an hour your child will need a longer break. This is the opportunity for those ‘want-to-dos’ like YouTube, social media, gaming, reading, listening to music or exercise. Meanwhile, create 5-minute break times between study periods with a clear list of acceptable activities such as movement, bathroom, snacks, petting the dog, etc.
Daily Schedule for Home Chores
- Talk about team effort: This is a time when everybody needs to chip in. Talk to your kids about coming together for the collective well-being of the family and the reality of having to do more chores because the house will get dirtier than usual since everybody’s around. At my place we call this “5 minutes of clean.” This is like a clean pop quiz. In 5 minutes, you target your own items and mess all around the house. After 5 minutes, anything left is fair game for me to clean (and no one wants that).
- Choose chores they can tackle: Keep chores for your kids simple and manageable. If they weren’t doing them before, this isn’t the time to add something new. Instead, link the completion of their chores to some of the incentives as well. Talk about how many reminders they need and in what form. Prepare to supervise them if necessary and notice when they do what they are asked with positivity. Finally, lower the bar. They are kids and they won’t be able to clean or organize like you can. The goal should be to do things well enough that it’s “kid clean.” If there are certain things you have parent standards on, save those chores for yourselves.
Daily Schedule for Activities
- Prioritize social time: If your child is really struggling with social isolation, arrange for FaceTime sessions or interactive gaming sessions with friends. Focus on being outdoors as a family and making the most of this time without outside obligations. Consider options to do outdoor tasks together, like yard work, gardening, home repairs, all done in short bursts to avoid fighting.
- Create a menu of non-screen choices: I suggest board games, puzzles, cooking, fun art or science projects, scrapbooking, cards, creating movies, music or books, caring for pets, walking, hiking, yoga, Wii, or biking. Create a garden or make some planters, redecorate a bedroom, or organize your playroom.
- Game-ify mundane things: Let each child pick a family movie for two nights a week and pretend you are going to the movie theater. Make popcorn or other treats. at my house family movie night is in my bed and includes a throw-back movie, popcorn, candy, and lots of pillows. Set it up family activities like an event. Make lunch as a picnic in your living room instead of at the kitchen table. Have breakfast for dinner. Play dance music while doing the dishes.
- Nurture their interests: This is a great opportunity to cultivate those non-school activities that no one ever seems to have enough time to pursue.
- Know that down time is healthy: Everybody needs and wants time to do whatever they want. Save some screen time allocations for this and let folks chill.
Daily Schedule for Managing Your Own Work
- Budget quiet into the schedule: If you are working from home, decide when you want privacy and allow your kids to have some of their screen time then. This keeps them occupied when you need to work. Plan their TV or movie breaks around important calls, video sessions, etc. If you have the flexibility to do so, shift work to before and after heavy blocks of kid learning so that you can be available without interrupting your own thing.
- Take shifts, if possible: If you have a partner or a family member who lives with you, try to tag team your work and child coverage. Plan on relieving each other and make arrangements to check in with each other when your kids are asleep. Share the work and the load will not be as heavy, I promise.
