Catch Them Being Good

By Lee Fisher, MS, LPA under the supervision of Dr. Jennifer Morrison

It’s often easy to catch kids in the act of doing things that frustrate adults. Leaving socks and dirty dishes out. Forgetting to clean up toys. Saying unexpecting things at the wrong time. Adults can often be quick to point out these infractions. However, it’s just as–and even more–important to point out when kids do things right, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement (praising what you want more of) can often reap greater rewards than pointing out mistakes, but it requires adults to be on the lookout for those times when kids do things right. Adults often miss the good things that kids do because they are often less noticeable. However, bringing light to the positive behaviors and praising a child for good behaviors (or better than usual and getting closer to good) can make them want to show you more positive behaviors in exchange for adult praise or attention. 

Spontaneous recognition of expected behaviors is key for the positive growth of your children. These behaviors don’t have to be big to be noticed. Examples include praising a child for a good conversation (no matter how small), commenting on how they stayed cool when they could have thrown a tantrum, or thanking them for putting a toy away (even when they have left 20 other toys out!). Even in times when a child is misbehaving or throwing a tantrum, praising them for stopping their behavior can be a great way to teach them self-control and help them build a foundation for healthy development. They may have thrown 5 rocks at their sister, but they did stop before throwing the 6th one! With praise and your attention, they are more likely to NOT throw rocks next time. Noticing good behaviors while correcting undesirable behaviors can make the guidance easier for kids to hear and accept and make them more willing to listen.

The key to being able to praise small positive behaviors is for adults to make time available to be able to notice them. Many of these small behaviors are missed when we are behind a screen or are busy. Making intentional time to focus on kids and putting cell phones away can give adults more opportunities to notice these positive deeds. So, go ahead and catch them in the act! Just make sure to catch the positive acts as much (or more than!) the negative acts to get the most out of your investment of time.

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